The Great Divide

January 12, 2015


On Christmas Day, I found out that I was going to be an Aunt again.  Whenever someone announces their pregnancy (and there have been quite a few announcements recently), I can’t help but feel a certain way.  Not because their news upsets me or because I’m some evil baby-hater.  Because I wonder how many people are still wondering if we’ll be next. The answer is becoming clearer and clearer to me – no.  Not even close.  Consider my eggs scrambled.
After leaving my job and getting married, it seemed appropriate to start planning for a family. We tried for some time and I must admit that I’m kind of thankful nothing came of our trying other than pleasurable experiences.  There are times when I sit back and realize that parenthood doesn’t seem to be in our cards and I get a bit bummed out.  I mean, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as humans?  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby?
Then I remember the screaming child assaulting my ears aisles away in a store while mom seems to do nothing about it.  Or the mother who just about mows me down with her shopping cart because apparently “child in the front seat” equals the right of way (this happens more times than it should).  I usually direct a profanity to her under my breath as I smile, thankful I haven’t forgotten simple manners like saying “excuse me” and still have all of my toes in tact.
As I look back even further, aside from that period of trying, I can’t actually remember dreaming of becoming a parent.  Fashion designer, writer, magazine columnist, Martha Stewart’s coffee-fetcher (topped with fresh hand-ground cinnamon, of course) – yes.  Heck, I don’t even remember having many daydreams of a perfect wedding either.  I guess that’s why City Hall followed by a quaint backyard reception was perfect enough for us.
As people go on and on about their children, I listen.  I’m happy for them.  But I can’t help but feel like my “babies,” my career endeavors (building a website, my successful Darby Smart designs, a growing Etsy shop and blog contributions) aren’t as exciting to some as childbirth, changing diapers and nap time.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love being around babies and seeing these tiny little people observe the world and get excited about little things we’ve forgotten to feel as selfish adults.  I have admitted to being too selfish about growing tiny human beings.  I just feel like there’s a great divide between moms and those who choose not to become a parent.
I love the support I’ve received this past year.  There have been many times when I’ve felt like giving up and I’m reminded that I’m working on amazing things.  My husband, especially, has dealt with far more than he needs to and has witnessed his fair share of creative meltdowns. The fact that he hasn’t kicked me to the curb with my large storage system of supplies and collection of notebooks in tow speaks a lot about his patience.
I didn’t write this post to bash the mothers of the world.  I know parenthood is hard work. Especially parenthood when you’re a working mom.  But for f—‘s sake, non-moms matter, too! I know my parents are proud of me for achieving certain goals.  But there are times when I feel like I might be a slight disappointment to them because I haven’t popped a baby out of my va-jay-jay.  I’m still doing cool shit with my life!  Shit neither side of the parental units may understand, but don’t underestimate me.  I know what I’m doing!
Yup.  I’m having a case of Carrie and the stolen Manolos (or SATC Episode “A Woman’s Right to Shoes”).  Maybe I’ll register for design supplies instead of fancy shoes.  Although a sexy pair of silver slingback designer sandals couldn’t hurt as I strut through the store dodging shopping carts.
In case you’re wondering, I’m registered at AC Moore, Darby Smart, M&J Trimming, JoAnn’s and if you’ve got time, Manolo Blahnik.


  • Reply Alecia October 9, 2017 at 9:32 AM

    LOL! This post cracked me up! I understand clearly the “The Great Divide.” My best friend recently had a baby at 36. She was one of these, “I’ll never let a baby control my life. I’m going to strap that baby in to his carrying pouch and keep going.” She brought him to my house for the first time this past weekend. My, how her tune has changed. We weren’t allowed to leave the house because it was just too hard for the baby! And I’ve gotten this comment, “Well, I would have thought the same thing before I had children,” with that snarky look like you’re so dumb and your life just don’t have that much meaning since you don’t have a child. Lol. I never thought things would change between us, but all of a sudden we are facing “The Great Divide.” I think all of the cool things you are doing with yourself is wonderful and inspiring to us whose lives just don’t matter much anymore (sarcasm included). 🙂

    • Reply Jessica October 9, 2017 at 11:05 AM

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post, Alecia! I was reminded of it the other day when I realized, once again, how much some of my friendships have changed ever since they told me they were expecting. I tend to feel like an outsider a lot of times, but constantly remind myself that I’m right where I need to be. If my friends with children can’t accept that, then were they really friends to begin with? So all I can say, Alecia, is to keep doing you! Live the life you were meant to be living! Thanks for your kind words and for making me feel like I’m not some sort of alien! Haha!

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